Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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