every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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