I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
