I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
