Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
