i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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