I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
