...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
