Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
