I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
3 2 1 whiskey
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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