Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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