Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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