i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
