im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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