Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
