Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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