As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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