omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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