TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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