if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
