tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
