it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Four minutes until I can fart!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
