just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
