Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
