Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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