Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
