apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
