She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
