Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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