You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
