I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
