He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
