Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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