but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
