Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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