I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
