i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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