Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
