we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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