i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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