I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently you make a good broom.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
