feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
