It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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