no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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