Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
