actually, I'm a sock model
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
