Kiss
Puke
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
