It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
