I wish I only lived at night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
