My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
