I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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