You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
