So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
