Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
