Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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