somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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