Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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