I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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