Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize