Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
