I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
