Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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