If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
