Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
