Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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