If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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