This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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