Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
