I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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