I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize