We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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