I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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