I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
