shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
