Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i will never coherently bang her
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
