there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
