Dude my mom stole all your condoms
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
