OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think a kid would responsible me up
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
