We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
